I have three children age four and under. I teach them many things, like how to sing the ABCs, feed themselves, and look both ways before crossing the street. There are some things they do naturally that I didn't have to teach them: things like grabbing toys out of each others' hands, ignoring or defying my orders, sitting on their little brother's head just because they can, and throwing fits (to name a few). I spend quite a bit of quality time with my little ones each day training them to be (Heaven help me) good, kind people. Parents, I'm talking about discipline! It's no one's favorite topic, and it's also one we don't talk about enough. But you know I'm qualified to write about it because my children are all perfect angels. Always.
Of course that's not true! I'm an imperfect parent to my wonderful, imperfect kids. I know that discipline is hard work, but it is so necessary and so worth the effort! The author of Hebrews says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11).
Discipline and the characteristics of a disciplined life are actually great gifts that we give our children, and we take our cue from our own Heavenly Father:
“And have you forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: 'My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.' Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!” (Hebrews 12:5-10).
An otherwise good Christian family with children who are out of control, and most importantly, who are allowed to continue to be out of control, is just a bad witness. Toddlers who are out of control at two years old can become kids who are out of control at four years old, seven years old, twelve years old, etc. Discipline never gets any easier. Fortunately, God's word provides some guidance for parents as we raise the small people that bless our lives. Proverbs 13:24 says “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” We discipline our children out of love, as God disciplines us, so they can enjoy peaceful and fruitful lives free of folly (Proverbs 22:15) and destruction (Proverbs 19:18, 23:13-14).
These are some truths about discipline that I have gleaned in my limited experience and from the advice of parents much wiser than myself:
1. Children are smart- surprisingly smart. They can find lots of avenues to get what they want. Conversely, they are also capable of understanding and doing anything we expect them to do. If you can train a dog, cat, or a hamster, then you can definitely train a human child. It's important for parents to make their expectations and the consequences as clear as possible.
2. Discipline needs to be consistent. In my experience, kids whose parents set clear limits and enforce them consistently are just happier and more secure. They know how their world works and what the boundaries are.
3. One of the best things parents can do is to find other families with children they like to be around. If the kids are pleasant people (I don't mean perfect people, because they're kids, after all!) chances are the parents are doing something right. Community is important, especially in the oft-bewildering world of parenting. Find families that are raising kids that you admire and stick to them like glue! Major bonus points if some of the families have adult children so the parents have lots of years of experience. I am constantly pestering mothers I admire with questions about raising kids. I've noticed that “good kids” are not naturally better than any other kids. Their parents have just learned to control their own personal brands of nonsense when they surface.
4. Also, even the best discipline won't produce perfect children. One of the best things we can do for our children is PRAY daily and fervently that God will shape them into strong men and women dedicated to His glory, despite our natural inclinations to mess them up entirely. Making discipline a priority doesn't mean your children will be “good” all the time, though better behavior should be a natural side effect. It just means you are trying to do your duty to them and to God.
So to all the parents out there, good luck to us all! Let's talk to each other more about discipline and what works and what doesn't. If we can't talk to other Christians about our struggles, where else can we turn? Let's pray for each other, and that all of the little people that God entrusted us with would grow to be strong and faithful followers of Jesus, and not need therapy as a result of our parenting. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go deal with one of my children sitting on their brother's head. Again.
Author: Nichole Sullivan
Of course that's not true! I'm an imperfect parent to my wonderful, imperfect kids. I know that discipline is hard work, but it is so necessary and so worth the effort! The author of Hebrews says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11).
Discipline and the characteristics of a disciplined life are actually great gifts that we give our children, and we take our cue from our own Heavenly Father:
“And have you forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: 'My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.' Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!” (Hebrews 12:5-10).
An otherwise good Christian family with children who are out of control, and most importantly, who are allowed to continue to be out of control, is just a bad witness. Toddlers who are out of control at two years old can become kids who are out of control at four years old, seven years old, twelve years old, etc. Discipline never gets any easier. Fortunately, God's word provides some guidance for parents as we raise the small people that bless our lives. Proverbs 13:24 says “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” We discipline our children out of love, as God disciplines us, so they can enjoy peaceful and fruitful lives free of folly (Proverbs 22:15) and destruction (Proverbs 19:18, 23:13-14).
These are some truths about discipline that I have gleaned in my limited experience and from the advice of parents much wiser than myself:
1. Children are smart- surprisingly smart. They can find lots of avenues to get what they want. Conversely, they are also capable of understanding and doing anything we expect them to do. If you can train a dog, cat, or a hamster, then you can definitely train a human child. It's important for parents to make their expectations and the consequences as clear as possible.
2. Discipline needs to be consistent. In my experience, kids whose parents set clear limits and enforce them consistently are just happier and more secure. They know how their world works and what the boundaries are.
3. One of the best things parents can do is to find other families with children they like to be around. If the kids are pleasant people (I don't mean perfect people, because they're kids, after all!) chances are the parents are doing something right. Community is important, especially in the oft-bewildering world of parenting. Find families that are raising kids that you admire and stick to them like glue! Major bonus points if some of the families have adult children so the parents have lots of years of experience. I am constantly pestering mothers I admire with questions about raising kids. I've noticed that “good kids” are not naturally better than any other kids. Their parents have just learned to control their own personal brands of nonsense when they surface.
4. Also, even the best discipline won't produce perfect children. One of the best things we can do for our children is PRAY daily and fervently that God will shape them into strong men and women dedicated to His glory, despite our natural inclinations to mess them up entirely. Making discipline a priority doesn't mean your children will be “good” all the time, though better behavior should be a natural side effect. It just means you are trying to do your duty to them and to God.
So to all the parents out there, good luck to us all! Let's talk to each other more about discipline and what works and what doesn't. If we can't talk to other Christians about our struggles, where else can we turn? Let's pray for each other, and that all of the little people that God entrusted us with would grow to be strong and faithful followers of Jesus, and not need therapy as a result of our parenting. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go deal with one of my children sitting on their brother's head. Again.
Author: Nichole Sullivan
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